My First Mediation

Since we’re celebrating Mediation Week in California, here’s the story of my first mediation. I started out small, a landlord-tenant dispute.

A landlord was trying to evict a contentious, angry woman who had already battered someone else in the building. He had had to call the police. He wanted her evicted because she was a liability risk. He was represented by a lawyer.

The tenant was pro se. She ranted about the other tenants in the building and how nastily they treated her. She came in with a defiant attitude, saying repeatedly, “I want to try the case, I want my day in court.”

Listening to her carefully, asking questions to make sure I understood her view (and so that she could know that I was listening to her), verbally noting the emotions I saw and heard, I mediated the case. She calmed down, I think because she felt she was being heard and respected. I asked her why she wanted to live in a building where other tenants were mean to her. I asked her why she wanted to hang on to this conflict. (See, Cloke, Mediating Dangerously.) It stopped her cold. It helped her realize she really didn't want to live there anyway.

We brainstormed with the landlord (I had to remind his attorney, in a nice way, or course, to stop being adversarial and start helping with options). They came up with some other places she might live or where someone might help her find a place to live. She thought of someone she knew at a local church mission who could help her. She agreed to move out. It turned out her biggest fear was that she didn't want to be evicted and have that history (shame?) follow her around.

The landlord agreed to give her five weeks to find a new place, waive three months rent and dismiss the lawsuit when she moved out. Everyone left in a positive frame of mind.. The landlord was thrilled---he was totally amazed at the transformation in the tenant, because he had never seen this calmer side of her. "How did you do that?!" he asked, wide-eyed. The tenant felt empowered by making a decision, coming up with a game plan, and moving forward with her life.

I had the sense that for the short period of time she would still live in the building, the two of them would have a better relationship. He would respect her dignity and she would drop her defiance.

I believe that the parties had some epiphanies that they wouldn't have had if I had conducted this mediation in the traditional settlement conference way, and, I think they may have found some new insights as to how to work through conflicts in the future.

What more could you ask? I was hooked!